REASONS
we're F*CKED
and ENJOY THE PROCESS
Our process lets you focus on that, not the other stuff. Sed tempus nisl a elit molestie, ut dictum est blandit.
A MOMENT TO DWELL
Ever wanted a rollin’ list of all the reason we’re fucked?
Yeah, ya did. We delight in dwelling on all the things that are making us feel worse (as if we needed any effin’ help) and we’re big believers that people should know how the current societal climate feels like it’s out to get us. I figure that if you’re here, you’ve probably been paying attention to what’s happening out there.
Now on to the important stuff: Or, things we can overthink together ↓
ROLLING LiST OF REASONs we're fucked
HOUSING crisis
Remember when buying a house meant arrival? For us, it’s just trauma scrolling.
We’re out here browsing $900K bungalows that look like crime scenes, while boomers post about “just saving more.” Oh, you mean on our $2K rent, $7 grapes, and trauma therapy budget?
We didn’t miss the housing boat — the boat sank, and they sold us life vests on Afterpay.
COST of Living
Groceries are luxury items now. Eggs? $9. Therapy? Out of network. Happiness? No longer included.
We’re not even trying to thrive anymore. We’re just trying to afford cheese and maybe a single fun activity that doesn’t require a budget spreadsheet.
Oh, and somehow our jobs expect us to act like this isn’t completely unhinged.
No, but really. Can we unsubscribe?
Student Debt
“Just go to college,” they said. “It’ll be worth it,” they said.
Now we’ve got $60K in loans (+$187k in interest), a degree we had to explain to our parents, and the deep-rooted knowledge that we were conned by a guidance counselor and a dream.
The worst part? We still feel guilty. Like the debt is our fault instead of the result of a predatory system designed to keep us “motivated” and maxed out.
WAGE STAGNATION
Somehow, we’ve been working longer hours for the same paycheck our parents made in the ‘90s — minus the cute pension, plus the panic attacks. We keep being told to “negotiate better,” like confidence can close the gap between rent and reality. Meanwhile, corporations brag about record profits while we’re over here calculating if canceling Spotify counts as a financial strategy.
We’ve mastered the art of doing more for less: more skills, more side gigs, more “growth mindset” — still can’t afford a dental plan. It’s giving late-stage capitalism with a touch of “we should unionize but everyone’s too tired.”
the DELAYED LIFE SYNDROME
Every generation before us got milestones. We got loading screens. The house, the kids, the financial security — all pushed back to “someday,” while the cost of everything skyrockets faster than our salaries. So we pour our ambitions into side hustles, plants, and emotional support dogs, hoping one of them will bloom into stability.
We were told life starts after 30, but no one mentioned that’s when our metabolism quits and our knees start writing country songs about regret.
MENTY Bs
(for days)
Remember when we all collectively decided to start “taking care of ourselves”? Yeah, turns out self-care costs $200 a session and still doesn’t come with health benefits.
We’re the therapy generation. Hyper self-aware, emotionally fluent, and somehow more anxious than ever. We know our attachment styles, our trauma responses, and our triggers…but the healthcare system still wants a doctor’s note for burnout.
We’ve got BetterHelp on our phones, guided meditations in our ears, and cortisol levels that could power a small city.
A brief history of trying our best.
We’ve survived dial-up tones, unpaid internships, recessions, pandemics, and avocado-toast lectures.
Budgeting with Klarna, cry in our cars between Zoom calls, and still chase meaning between therapy sessions, iced lattes, and burnout naps.
Somehow, we’re still showing up.
And because we couldn’t stop there…
As if that list wasn’t bleak enough, here are a few bonus rounds in the grand game of “why millennials are f*cked."
06 — Climate Doom:
Should we even plan for retirement when the planet might be gone by then?
07 — The Algorithm:
We can’t escape capitalism — it’s literally on our For You Page.
09 — The Social Media Hangover:
We built our identities online, and now we’re all trying to log off without losing ourselves.
08 — Healthcare Hunger Games:
We have to choose between therapy, dental, and seeing if that mole looks weird.
Q. What kind of files do you deliver?
Dolor mixtape food truck Austin, assumenda Odd Future Carles anim. Echo Park cillum master cleanse craft beer Tonx.
Q. Do you offer content creation?
I'm baby organic authentic skateboard microdosing waistcoat, vinyl sartorial. Bodega boys street art four dollar toast, shaman marfa.
Q. Is copy included with my design?
Meh mlkshk meggings bitters, poutine irony bushwick bicycle rights godard ascot keffiyeh street art taxidermy yuccie heirloom narwhal.
If you've made it this far, we're off to a pretty good start here, dear millennial. Ready to compare childhood trauma over coffee yet? Yeahhhh, ya are.